The Versatility of Sport...and a Little Bit of Fashion

Why do you [INSERT YOUR SPORT HERE]? If I asked you to list the reasons why you do what you do, chances are good that your list would overlap with my own. Maybe it’s a stress reliever? Maybe it’s what you do to stay fit? Maybe it’s your job? Or maybe you just love to compete? I’m soccer guy trapped in a runner’s body, so I do both, and each partly for the reasons I listed – except for the job part…I was never that good at either. My point is that sport is many things to many people. It’s a common ground out of which friendships are cultivated. It’s a ready-made topic for water cooler discussions. It gives you something to list under “Personal Interests” on your resume (do people still do this?). Heck, I’ll even use it as an icebreaker with the opposite sex (“Hi. You may not know it to look at me, but I can run really, really fast.”). Yes, sport can be all these things. It can also be a reason for you and your friends to get together and do something…well, dumb.

We here at Racemates are all, to a large extent, cut from the same cloth – a cloth that has a love of competition, athletics, and profound silliness as its fibers. Thus, it was no surprise to me an email surfaced several weeks ago, trailing with it a chain of responses that kept my Blackberry buzzing for the better part of an otherwise useless Monday. The email proposed a means to deftly combine the joy of athletic competition with the humility of that often accompanies the aforementioned silliness. The competition is this: each member of the group has a specific physical challenge that he or she must attempt. Challenges are individually assigned and must be unique to the competitor. Success must be readily quantifiable and not be subject to interpretation (this is where it gets difficult). Everyone must complete his or her individual challenge within a specified time frame. Pretty run of the mill so far, I agree. Ahem…now, anyone that fails to complete his or her individual challenge must suffer the humility of silliness, which in this particular challenge, manifests itself in the form of…READ MORE

…the Earring of Shame. Did you look at the picture? Did you take time to really digest the Earring of Shame in its entire splendor? The only excuse for not looking is if, like me, you were around in the late eighties and early nineties, and followed baseball with even a loose appreciation. If that’s the case you remember that it vividly because Barry Bonds was everywhere and his earring was equally ubiquitous. Still, even if you remember every inch (there’s actually only one inch to remember) of its shimmering glory, it’s worth another look. This is not just an earring. I mean, there was an article in the New York Times about it for heaven’s sake! This is about making a statement – in our case a statement of humiliation.

The rule is that the Earring of Shame must be worn for one month commencing immediately upon failure of the event. There are no time-outs for “big presentations at work,” first dates, funerals or home-run hitting. Of course there’s the argument that the rigidity of the penalty favors the unemployed and/or married (or socially inept). I suppose it does, but even that group is sure to feel the heavy cloak of shame synonymous with such a fashion atrocity. I mean, even if I’m sitting around in my underwear, I don’t particularly want to be wearing an earring.

So what are the challenges? Well, that subject was left unsettled when we adjourned our last session but will be the first item discussed under “Old Business” when we reconvene. To give you an idea, here’s what’s been proposed for various Racemates thus far:

• Brother Cawood needs to complete a 100 mile trail/road race (if this sounds ridiculous, that’s because it is. Cawood is the engine of the group and only the toughest of challenges would suffice for him).
• Brother Holman has to be able to dunk a basketball by the end of the year (this has been discussed on and off for years and, quite frankly, just needs to happen).
• Brother Wilkinson must try out for (and make) the Charleston Battery professional soccer team (difficult, to be sure, but Wilky is uber fit and can hold his own on the pitch).
• Brother Rhodes has to complete the Lake Tahoe Death Ride (I’m not even sure what this is, but it sounds dangerous and/or impossible).
• Brother Dick (that’s me of course) must run a sub-5 minute mile before the year is up (this is doable, but will still require some serious effort on my end).
• Brother Hammond (and this is by far my favorite) is to compete in, and win, place, or show in a dance marathon. If there was a man made for this event, it’s Brother Hammond.

 Several of these challenges are tainted by the difficulty of measuring success, and the relative difficulties need evening out for full legitimacy. Thus, I put it to you loyal Racemates. Help us think of what we haven’t. This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it for challenges and or humiliating consequences. I can promise the posting of pictures and/or video of your brilliance coming to life…and of course of the losers getting ceremoniously “pinned” with a full inch of golden humility or its equivalent.

Go get ‘em!

-Dick